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These stores will be closed on Thanksgiving

  Friday November 15, 2019 · 7:30 PM PST 2019/11/15 · 19:30 The retail blast of Black Friday has increasingly expanded into Thanksgiving itself, to the point where major retail chains that don’t open on Thanksgiving are…

Open thread for night owls: Confronting broadband giants,…

Victor Pickard is an assistant professor at the University of Pennsylvania’s Annenberg School for Communication and author of America’s Battle for Media Democracy: The Triumph of Corporate Libertarianism and the Future of Media Reform. David Elliot Berman…

Trump sent Giuliani and associates on secret mission…

Lev Parnas reads a statement following an arraignment hearing on October 23, 2019 At the 2018 White House Hanukkah party, Donald Trump took Rudy Giuliani and his now-indicted “associates” Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman aside…

Flu Outbreak Reduces Class Sizes To Level Appropriate…

ST. LOUIS—With student-to-teacher ratios beginning to approach a more manageable level, sources confirmed Friday that a highly infectious strain of the flu sweeping through Washington Middle School this month has reduced class sizes to the…

Full Trump Transcript Includes 37 Pages Of Confused…

WASHINGTON—Shedding light on what exactly transpired between the U.S. president and Ukraine during a mysterious April call, a transcript released Friday includes 37 pages of a confused Donald Trump mashing his fingers against his phone’s…

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Yovanovitch Testifies That She Was Removed To Make…

WASHINGTON—Appearing before the House Intelligence Committee at Friday’s impeachment hearing, former ambassador Marie Yovanovitch testified that she was recalled from her post so a corrupt back channel could run U.S. policy in Ukraine but gets…

Colin Kaepernick’s Agents Assure Teams His CTE Has…

ATLANTA—Responding to concerns that the 32-year-old had spent too much time away from the game, representatives for Colin Kaepernick assured NFL teams Friday that his CTE has progressed just as much as other players over…

How Political Ads Are Made

As the 2020 presidential campaign season gets into full swing, debate has raged over the content, message, and truthfulness of political advertising, as well as the platforms that host them. The Onion takes a step-by-step…

Roger Stone Found Guilty on All Counts

Roger Stone gets into a vehicle as he leaves court on November 8, 2019 .(Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images A federal jury has convicted Roger Stone, a longtime adviser to President Donald Trump, of making…

15 best-selling early Black Friday deals you can…

Black Friday is officially two weeks away, which means best-selling deals are already popping off. The storied shopping day that’s supposed to arrive immediately after Thanksgiving really does come earlier and earlier every year, doesn’t…

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Floridas Shorebirds Saw a Big Breeding Bump After…

Snowy Plovers in the Florida Panhandle. Photo: Britt Brown In October 2018, Hurricane Michael and its Category 5 winds inflicted tremendous destruction across Florida, causing an estimated $18.4 billion in damage and an eventual 50…

Deval Patrick Acquires High Favorability Numbers, Good Iowa…

DES MOINES, IA—Skyrocketing in visibility mere hours after launching his bid for the White House, former Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick reportedly acquired high favorability numbers and good Iowa polling Thursday after a leveraged buyout of…

Pope Francis Bags 6-Winged Trophy Angel During Vatican’s…

THE HEAVENS—Emerging from behind a cloud blind in a blaze orange miter and camouflaged vestments, His Holiness Pope Francis reportedly celebrated with fellow clergymen Thursday after bagging a highly coveted prize in this year’s Vatican…

Venice Facing Worst Flood Tide In Years

Climate charge is being blamed for historic flooding that has covered 85% of the Italian city of Venice and caused the mayor to declare a state of emergency. What do you think? “On the bright…