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Watch Mike Pompeo Play Dumb About Trump’s Phone…

Alexander Shcherbak/ZUMA The Wall Street Journal’s report late Monday revealing Secretary of State Mike Pompeo took part in the July 25 phone call between President Donald Trump and Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelensky is attracting fresh scrutiny of…

How To Get The Secret ‘Objective Failed’ Ending…

Ever since Gears 5 was released in early September, it’s been stunning critics and fans alike with its astounding graphics, compelling characters, and rich storytelling. Well, it looks like the developers at The Coalition have…

Nutritionists Report They Wouldn’t Have To Figure Out…

BOSTON—Saying everything could be made a whole lot simpler with even a few halfway reasonable dietary choices, top U.S. nutritionists announced Tuesday they wouldn’t have to spend all their time figuring out which foods were…

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70-Year-Old Man Worried He Running Out Of Time…

TOPEKA, KS—After spending decades focused solely on his career and then retirement, local 70-year-old man Dennis Lambert was reportedly worried Tuesday that he was running out of time to have kids. “My biological clock is…

Angelina Jolie attends ‘Maleficent’ premiere with 5 of…

Enlarge Image (L-R) Pax, Shiloh, Vivienne, Angelina Jolie, Zahara, and Knox Jolie-Pitt at the "Maleficent" premiere FilmMagic Angelina Jolie made the premiere of her latest film, “Maleficent: Mistress of Evil,” a family affair. Jolie, 44,…

Deal Alert: Your Parents Have Promised To Buy…

If you’ve been dying to play Pokémon: Let’s Go Pikachu but have been holding off because of the price tag, we’ve got a deal you’re definitely going to want to check out: Your parents are…

Well, At Least High School Teacher And Student…

RIO RANCHO, NM—Feeling comforted by the news that the scandalous and illicit affair eventually amounted to something, school district sources noted Monday that, well, at least high school teacher Lisa Calloway, 52, and her former…

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Authorities Theorize Santa Anita Race Track Deaths Could…

ARCADIA, CA—After the death of 3-year-old colt Emtech this weekend marked the racetrack’s 32nd equine fatality of the year, investigators stated Monday that the unusual mortality rate at Santa Anita Park could potentially be the…

Poll Finds Support For Impeachment Growing

Following the announcement that the House would be initiating an impeachment inquiry, support for starting impeachment proceedings against President Trump grew among Americans from 36% to 43%, suggesting that the nation may be amenable to…

Child Pointing Out Cow On Side Of Road…

AMERICA CITY, KS—As he peered out the window of his family’s Dodge Caravan and spotted the animal right in the middle of a pasture where nobody could miss it, 2-year-old Owen Kincaid reportedly pointed out…

TSA To Phase Out Glue-Sniffing Dogs

‘They Get Way Too Fucked Up To Work,’ Announces Security Agency ARLINGTON, VA—In response to a recent spate of incidents in which the specially trained canines became far too impaired to perform law enforcement duties,…